New movie releases

Is a new Rambo really the answer to the horrid selection of new releases coming out in theaters this coming year? I mean... what ever happened to taking the bad sequels and B movies straight to video... or, in an updated technological world, straight to dvd?

Let's run down the list of trailers that seem grossly uninteresting on Apple.com and hope to find some hay in a needlestack.

P2. Here's a good one - A chick is stuck in a parking garage fighting for her life from a deadbeat that can't get a date..... for the whole movie. Sounds promising. *cough* Bullshit *cough*. Expectations- 0, yes, zero. (0-11 scale based on nothing but my slanted views, and yes, this one goes to 11) Originality - 1, Laughs - 0, Action - 4= E0, O1, L0, A4

Wristcutters. Interesting idea. Anyone who commits suicide goes to the same after-life, where everything just kinda sucks. Some dude that offs himself is now looking for his recently self-offed girlfriend in this new after-life. A twist on Beetlejuice, but a love story. E3, O7, L7, A1

National Treasure 2. How can this be any different than the first? Historical cross-globe treasure hunt with more people this time. I'd rather be subjected to 4 hours of the Pants-Off Dance-Off on Fuse with nothing but BBW's. E3, O2, L5, A9

Untraceable. The story of computer geek cops who can't outwit a bigger computer geek villian. Seems just like a filler movie for someone who needed to make their quota on script writing assignments before they lost their job. E3, O4, L1, A5

Cloverfield. First one that peaked my interest. Of course, I like sci-fi action movies, but they have to be done well... Terminator2, Aliens, Empire Strikes back, The Matrix. From the preview, it looks like Godzilla but it very well might be a robot Godzilla going ballistic on the town like the asteroids in Armageddon or the tidal wave in The Day After Tomorrow. I hope they hide the monster to the very end and it turns out to be a giant robot Britney Spears from her schoolgirl outfit days... this might be the only thing that could resurrect her career. E5, O5, L3, A9

Purple Violets. Edward Burns... that Ben Affleck lookalike... does it again. Makes a movie and puts himself as a main character. There are 2 girls that buck-buck-buck-bagawk about relationships and you got a chickflick with no possible watchable value. Standard movie. E1, O1, L3, A0.

Harold and Kumar 2. If you can't laugh at multi-racial drug comedy, then you ain't livin'. This time, they go overseas and are accused of being terrorists. Another cameo by the "snortin' blow off of whore's dirty ass" Doogie. Anyone see the comic irony in him being gay in real life? E7, O6, L10, A3.

Finally (cuz i'm tired and going to bed)

Jumper. A kid figures out he can teleport anywhere in the world. Woohoo, mutant powers, should have been a comic book first... wait.. .was it? Anyway, he's not the only one who can do it and there are people out there hunting his kind down. Of course, he has to save the girl. Graphics look top notch, hopefully the acting won't pull down the hi-res overload like most cgi driven flicks. E8, O7, L3, A10.

Let's see how far off I am.

Beepbeep.